WHAT IF???

               

We all have our secret stories that we duel upon, that we think that scared us for life.  A bad break up, family events, some disaster that we survived, all of this, we put them into our I am so strong box.

 I always fear the sad times,  fear depression as  a possibility  of not getting my cheerful self back; but as I grow older and the ups and downs keep happening, I start to fear less and maybe try more. Our experiences make us who we are, the chances, the dreams, the challenges we face, they all either make us or break us.

 When I was 16 I was listening to this old woman reminiscing all the things she wished she would have done and I couldn’t help a tear for her. As I was listening carefully I made a promise to myself, never to allow room in my life for the question “what if”.

After every failed job, terribly heart breaking relationship, unachieved dream I go back and cry a little, go back on my old fears. I wonder why I don’t play safe and stay in a world I can control, have human interaction with a minimum feeling factor to them,  or decide to live in one place.  I get caught up in a dream of safety, easiness , reliable, or approved by society and the people in our life and for a spit second I want that, I want the peace and quiet.

 But then I breathe deeply, look at the water (I do live on a ship), look at the reflection of the sun, enjoy a good cocktail and then remember why I never miss on anything I want to do. I remember the laughs and the rush, the butterflies in the stomach, the look in a new affair’s eyes, the squeaking of the tires on a Jumbo Jet, a beach that you see in the post cards, a job that makes you feel happy and then I know why I don’t go for safe…it’s because I never let myself wonder “what if?”. I let every experience change me so that I am sure I don’t regret anything.